The Unwritten Rules of D&D Every Newbie Needs (Spoiler: They’re Written Now!)

Skip the Rulebook Stress—Here’s How to Have Fun and Not Die Horribly Your First Time Out

So, you’ve decided to dip your toes into the wild, dice-rolling, dragon-slaying world of Dungeons & Dragons. First off, congratulations! In all seriousness, Welcome!

Second, oh boy, are you in for a ride.😄

You might’ve heard D&D is this intimidating labyrinth of rules thicker than a wizard’s spellbook. And yeah, to be fair, there’s some truth to that.

But there’s a little secret. The most important elements of playing D&D aren’t about the written rules—it’s about the unwritten ones: the stuff nobody tells you until you’ve already made a fool of yourself at the table.

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Yeah, you’ll learn all this within your first six month’s of playing D&D, but why wait? Why not go into your first session already knowing “how not to be a jerk while playing D&D”?

Lucky for you, I’m here to spill the beans so you can skip that awkward novice phase and jump straight into the fun. Oh, and since I’ve written these down, I guess they’re not unwritten anymore—oops, my bad!

Let’s dive into this treasure trove of wisdom, shall we? Picture me as your friendly, slightly sarcastic wizard (esteemed and learned wizard, mind you) regaling you with tales of my own D&D blunders. Trust me, I’ve got plenty.

1. Temper Your Expectations: This Ain’t Critical Role

Look, I get it. You watched Critical Role, saw Matt Mercer weave a story like a god among men, and thought, “That’s D&D.” Right?

Nope. And not only nope, but “Hell nope.” Those folks are all professional voice actors with a production budget and a team of writers.

Your game? It’s more likely to feature your buddy Dave mispronouncing “goblin” as “globbin” while dripping nacho cheese dip on the map.

My first session, I expected epic monologues… and got a dwarf named Stumpy who stumbled through a dungeon thinking he was impressing his co-adventurers by burping the alphabet.

Lower the bar! We’re amateurs. We can’t do the voices. Sometimes the story has plot holes. It’s still a blast and worth every second.

2. Don’t Be the Main Character (Yes, Even If You Think You’re the Chosen One)

Newsflash: The D&D session isn’t your story. It’s everyone’s.

I once played with a guy who thought his edgy, brooding rogue was the star of the show. He’d interrupt every scene to brood mysteriously in a corner. Spoiler: Nobody gave one half of one fresh, steamy shit about the antisocial homeless dude sitting alone in the corner.

The real fun started when we all leaned into being a goofy, dysfunctional crew together. Share the spotlight, or you’ll end up like that rogue—alone, brooding, and utterly ignored.

3. Be the Supporting Character Who Steals the Show

Instead of hogging the limelight, try nudging your fellow players into the limelight. Ask the stoic paladin why they love polishing their armor or the jittery wizard what they think we’ll find in the creepy cave.

I once asked our barbarian what he missed most about her tribe.

“The smell of yak sweat,” she said.

I wondered aloud what activities might make a yak actually sweat. That prompted some improv backstory that had the whole table laughing.

It’s better to be the party glue than the party hero.

4. Make a Character Who Actually Wants to Play

Your character needs two things: a willingness to work with the group and a reason to chase adventure.

I made a hermit cleric once who refused to leave his cave. Five minutes in, the DM was like,

“Uh, so why are you here?”

Good question… with no good answer! D&D is a team sport, but with swords.

5. Put the Phone Down, Chad

Nothing screams “I don’t care about the effort you, as the DM, put into your friends having a good time together” like scrolling TikTok while the DM describes a dragon’s lair.

Even I’ve been guilty of this. I once missed a very obvious ambush because I was busy showing the player next to me Insta reels. Guess who got lit up first? Yep, me. Stay engaged… or don’t cry when your character gets killed because her player wouldn’t pay attention.

Unless you are playing on an app like D&D Beyond, no phones at the table!

6. Pay Attention, Even When It’s Not Your Turn

Combat can drag if you’re fumbling through your character sheet or spellbook when your turn rolls around. Use other players’ turns to plan your next move!

7. Play Your Character, Not Theirs

Telling the barbarian’s player, “No, Bubba Barbarian wouldn’t do that,” is a one-way ticket to a table annoyed with you. I tried this once, suggesting our cleric wouldn’t heal a shady NPC. She glared at me (I felt very small) and said, “How ‘bout you play your character; I’ll play mine. M’kay, pumpkin?” Message received.

8. The Rule of Cool Exists, But…

The DM might let you backflip off a chandelier for style points, but don’t ask to suplex an adult dragon if you’re a scrawny Level 2 bard. Know your limits. As a DM, when a player pushes the rule of cool into the entirely implausible… let them.

“You wanna seduce this adult red dragon as a only Level 3 bard? Are you sure you wanna do that? Okay. Roll me a charisma: DC 35 or the dragon responds by biting you in half.”

9. No Party Fights

Rolling to steal from your pal’s backpack? Bad idea. I saw a group implode over a rogue pickpocketing the wizard. Trust me, save the dice for goblins. Party harmony > petty theft. No rolls against the party.

10. “It’s What My Character Would Do” Isn’t an Excuse

If your character is a asshole who ruins everyone’s fun, scrap them. A party thief who keeps betraying us because “it’s his nature” will soon get bum-rushed. Dude, it’s a friggin’ game.

11. Don’t Split the Party (Unless You Like Dying Alone)

Wandering off in a haunted forest? Dumb. I did this once, thinking my ranger should scout ahead. Met a wraith. Solo. Screamed for help. Nobody heard. Lesson learned.

There is often that one Leee-roy Jenkins-type who insists on following the “other” hallway, opposite of the hallway the party decided to explore. As a DM, drop in a wraith or three. Solo. Out of shouting range of the party.

12. Player Knowledge vs. Character Knowledge: The Great Divide

You might know trolls hate fire, but does Bob the Big Dumb Fighter, who has never encountered a troll, know that? I once blurted out a spell suggestion to our wizard mid-fight. The DM asked

“Tell me: How does Bob know to suggest that spell against this opponent that he has never before encountered?”

Um… he doesn’t.

It’s difficult, but really try to see opponents through the eyes of your character, not your own eyes as a player. Your character has not read the official Monster Manual.

13. Do NOT (ever) Roll Unless the DM Asks for a Roll

If the DM wants or needs your to roll for something, they will ask for a roll. Period. Do not roll on your own and announce, “I rolled a 16 on my stealth check as I sneak up on the goblin patrol.”

One player in our group is terrible about this. Every time, the DM responds with something like

“The goblin patrol hears what sounds like a dice roll nearby. Suspicious, they are now on heightened alert and are actively and carefully searching for any adventurers who are trying to be sneaky.”

The player, so far, has not put 2 and 2 together.😄 Rolling a 20 on a stealth check you invented in your head doesn’t count. Ask first.

If you want to DM, volunteer to DM; otherwise, let the DM be the DM.

14. No Random Chaos—Crime Needs a Reason

Killing NPCs for giggles isn’t edgy; it’s assholey. If your rogue robs someone, make sure it contributes to the story. If you torch a barn “for fun,” don’t be surprised when DM has the town form a vigilante mob to hunt you down. Chaos has consequences.

15. Follow the Damn Story Hooks

The DM’s dropping hints left and right. Like a guy an arrow in his back who stumble into the tavern and collapses, dead, at you feet with a map in his pocket. Don’t just order another ale and hit on the barmaid. Be curious. Look at the map.

Few things will make your DM want to quit DMing for you quicker than you deciding to be the contrary asshole who ignores all the obvious clues he or she spent their valuable times dreaming up just so that their friends could have a fun game night. If you don’t want to engage, don’t play D&D. Simple as that.

16. Failure Is Funny. Embrace It

Bad rolls happen. I once tried to intimidate a bandit and rolled a 1. He laughed, I tripped, and the table lost it. Lean into the flops—they are what makes the game fun.

17. Have a Backup Character Ready

While D&D 5e (like it or not) makes character death unlikely, death is certainly possible. Be ready in case your paladin eats a Level 5 fireball trap. If you have no backup, you sit out an hour while you roll up a new character. Have Sir Backupington already prepped and ready to swoop in and save the day.

18. The DM Is God (During the Game)

During the game, the DM’s word is unassailable gospel. Arguing rules mid-session is a buzzkill. After the game or on a break? Sure, debate away. Save it for the pub after the battle. It may not be for everyone, but our table rule is that, except for the DM, no rule books are allowed at the table. Nothing kills the fun faster that the “Aktshually…” guy in the middle of combat.

19. Action & Inaction Have Consequences

D&D does not fit the modern-day Gen Z attitude. You cannot say and do whatever you want to whomever you want whenever you want while simultaneously prohibiting the rest of the world from responding to you.

In D&D, your actions and inactions actually have consequences. That NPC you slaughtered because they “looked at you funny”? They had information on the Big Bad Guy’s plans and his one weakness. That seemingly minor side quest you ignored? Failing to complete that side quest has allowed the Big Bad Guy to advance his world domination plans by an entire month, so instead of thwarting him “before the next full moon,” you now only have until Tuesday.

20. Your Words Are a Curse. Watch Them

Much like with Alexa or Siri, saying “It can’t get worse” or “At least it wasn’t a…” or “Damn. I thought for sure there’d be a…” aloud at the table is begging for exactly that to happen. One of a DM’s best resources is the words of the player’s at the table.

21. Nobody Cares About Your Clever, Secret Backstory

Hinting at your “mysterious past” won’t hook anyone. No one but you cares. Trust me on this. No one gives two shits. Even worse than that is trying to deceive the party by pretending to be a different class. It’s not original; in fact, it’s cliché. Again, no one but you gives a full, satisfying crap. The party just does not care.

The party want adventure and loot. The warlock who’s hiding that fact from the party and pretending to be a cleric? Yawn. Keep it simple. Just spill it outright.

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There you go, folks! The (formerly) unwritten rules of D&D, served up with a side of my own screw-ups. I 100% guarantee you will witness (or experience) all of these in your first few months in this hobby. This article is meant to short-circuit that learning curve. I mean, you don’t have to learn everything from experience.

Don’t let the rulebooks scare you. This game is about pizza, laughing, bonding, and occasionally stabbing a dragon. Dive in… just don’t be that guy.